A Better Life Through Chemicals

Less than 48 hours until the gun! Aaaghh!

Lots to report.

Owing to the weather forecast we completely bailed on camping. I spent a couple of hours yesterday calling every motel within 50 miles of Weott, CA. At long last I got hold of a room, one room (for 4 people) about 45 miles south of the marathon.

As my friend Jade put it so eloquently: "Camping in the rain is bad. Running a marathon in the rain is bad. But running a marathon in the rain after camping in the rain... well... that absolutely sucks donkey balls." I completely agree.

So we're going to leg it to Leggett, CA, and stay the night there before the race. Mike, the proprieter of Stonegate Villas, insisted the way his old knee injury is playing up means it's going to rain on Saturday, but stop for the marathon itself. Bonus!

I am very relieved to have secured a room, and that it's not going to rain for the marathon... also I am feeling a lot better, just the cough and blocked Eustachian tubes remain. I even went to hard-core yoga today. I know, I know, I'm not meant to... but I drank a whole jar of Accelerade™ afterward, and ate a cup of magical raisins, so I should be fine.

In an interesting side-note, I talked to my parents (in NZ) last night. They called to wish me well for the marathon (see! they DO love me!). My step-dad is an ENT (more commonly known as an Otorhinolaryngologist). He said the trouble with the Eustachian tubes may well be due to dramatic weight-loss, as the ETs are supported by head fat. He also suggested I lie on my side and squirt nasal spray up my nose to get to the affected regions. Tricks are always welcome!

So, without further ado I initiated my Heuristic Ultimate Marathon Preparation System.

First of all I prepared my Sweatproof Travelsize Easy-Rip-Open Ibuprofen Drug Sacks. It can really help to suck down a few of these at about mile 20, I've found, if only to quiet the demons. However, because I sweat so much I've found no place on my clothing or person to be free from the creeping wetness. I need some way to keep them dry, that is compact and easy to get to...

How To Make S.T.E.R.O.I.D.S.:

First you take a length of clear Scotch™ tape, sticky side up, then put a smaller piece on top, sticky side down, to make a sort of folding wallet... here's a picture:


The notch makes it easy to open with wet cold partially-paralyzed hands.

The rest of my H.U.M.P.S. is top secret. Actually, not really, but I can't be bothered posting it all. There are many other foods and chemicals involved, like raisins, Vaseline™, and Ca₂S0₄

As a special treat for all you sick puppies I took a photo of my foot. You can clearly see the death, the rot and the entropy that a lot of running has wrought upon my hooves. Because it's kinda gnarly I haven't embedded the photo, you click on a link if you want to see it...

Click here if you want to see my manky foot you sick little fucker!